In this podcast, journalist Isabella George interviews students and faculty at Kalani High School in Hawaii about the impact of social media on relationships. Did social media kill love or ramance?
Lady Dimitrescu (portrait) **EXPLORED** (James H./Flickr Creative Commons)A common thread among the interviewees was that social media feeds teens often false ideas of what ideal relationships should look like, “almost like giving us a template as to how we should deal with our significant others,” she summarizes. For more, tune in to her podcast.
Her thoughts and the voices of students and educators at her high school reflect many of the same signs we have read about, both from research and from young people themselves. These signs point to similar sentiments among young adults regarding how social media shapes romantic expectations.
How This Phenomenon Manifests
Curated “Relationship Goals” and Unrealistic Ideals
Teens frequently encounter stylized portrayals of romance under hashtags like #relationshipgoals — glossy, idealized snapshots that hide conflict, effort, or nuance. Psychologists warn that this often leaves them feeling anxious or insecure about their own relationships.
Social Comparison and Parasocial Influence
Social media accelerates social comparison: users constantly measure themselves — and their relationships — against others. Upward comparisons can hurt self-esteem, foster envy, and distort what a “real” relationship looks like. Parasocial relationships — imagined bonds with influencers or celebrities — amplify this, leading to unrealistic life expectations and distorted views of romance.
Snapchat Dysmorphia and Filtered Ideals
Beyond emotional comparisons, filtered images propagate a quest for perfection — people sometimes even alter their appearance to match filtered versions via cosmetic surgery. This reflects deeper insecurities that may spill into how romantic partners perceive one another.
Mental Health and Relationship Formation
Perfectionistic standards informed by social media can lead to disappointment when real relationships feel “less than.” Some studies suggest that increased Instagram use is correlated with decreased relationship satisfaction and increased conflict.
Culture of Ambiguity and Reduced Real-Life Connection
Generation Z research notes a shift toward ambiguous, online-only interactions — “situationships” that rarely progress to in-person commitment. This evolution is shaped by digital norms, past isolation (e.g., COVID-19 disruptions), a fear of emotional exposure, and new social scripts.
Cross-disciplinary Studies Corroborate These Trends
Qualitative Adolescent Studies: Teenagers describe exposure to romantic content on social media as featuring themes like “Relationship Goals” or “Insta-Couples,” fostering inflated expectations.
Cultivation Theory and Media Portrayals: Exposure to idealized romantic media — on TV or social platforms — can lead teens to expect “perfect” relationships and feel dissatisfied with their real-life experiences.
Advertising and Body Image Research: Idealized images in media (ads, influencers) are associated with body dissatisfaction and diminished self-esteem among teens and young people.
Social Comparison Theory (Media Psychology): Platforms like Instagram and TikTok foster constant comparison, especially upward comparisons, which correlate with anxiety, depression, and low self-worth.
Parasocial Interaction Studies: These one-sided relationships with media personalities contribute to skewed expectations about love, lifestyles, and partnerships.
Peer Pressure via Social Media: The digital world extends peer influence, pushing youth to conform to perceived norms—including romantic norms—often via performance and perfection.
How to Help
Improving media literacy among teens can be a strong counterbalance to the unrealistic expectations about romance that social media often promotes.
Here’s how it can help:
(1) Most “perfect couple” posts are curated, filtered, and selectively shared to present a highlight reel, not the full reality. Understanding that these images often omit conflict, mundane moments, and imperfections can reduce the pressure to live up to them. This awareness helps teens separate what’s presented from what’s real in both appearance and relationship dynamics.
(2) Media literacy teaches teens to ask: Who created this content? Why? What do they want me to think, feel, or do? When teens realize that influencers may promote relationship narratives to drive engagement, brand deals, or personal image, they can critically evaluate whether those portrayals are authentic or performative.
(3) Lessons in media literacy can highlight how platforms are designed to trigger comparison and keep people scrolling. Knowing this can help teens step back when they feel jealous or inadequate, reframing those emotions as a response to engineered content rather than a personal failing.
(4) Teens can also be shown how editing tools, filters, and even staged scenarios create unrealistic standards for attractiveness and romantic gestures. This helps them avoid holding themselves or potential partners to impossible ideals.
(5) Media literacy can foster discussions about what healthy relationships actually look like: mutual respect, open communication, conflict resolution, and emotional support. By contrasting these traits with the one-dimensional “picture-perfect” social media portrayal, teens can develop more grounded, realistic expectations.
(6) Finally, when teens can identify when content is trying to sell them an image, lifestyle, or product (including the idea of an “ideal romance”), they are less likely to internalize those messages without reflection.
Media literacy interventions — especially those that include critical viewing skills — can reduce the negative effects of media on body image, gender roles, and interpersonal expectations. Applying those same tools to romantic portrayals on social media can help teens see through the illusion and value real connection over performance.
We Built a Workshop Outline
Here’s a short, concrete workshop outline that schools could run in about one class period (45–60 minutes) to build media literacy for relationships in the age of social media.
One follow-up idea would be to create a student-led “#RealRelationships” poster or social media campaign sharing authentic relationship moments. If you want, feel free to provide additional sessions in a series, offering a deeper dive into topics like consent, communication skills, and digital boundaries.
