High school relationships can play a big role in shaping how young people see themselves and others, but as Irelynn McComb writes in the student newspaper at Carroll High School in Fort Wayne, Indiana, they often carry risks of unhealthy or even toxic dynamics.
Emotional abuse, which is harder to recognize than physical abuse, emerges as the most common challenge among teens. With nearly one in three young people likely to encounter some form of relationship abuse, the combination of low self-esteem, inexperience, and the influence of social media makes it difficult for students to recognize what’s healthy and what’s not.
Research confirms that these concerns are not isolated. According to the Harborview Injury Prevention & Research Center, one in three US teens will experience physical, sexual, or emotional abuse from someone they’re in a relationship with before they become adults. This sobering statistic highlights the prevalence of these issues and underscores the importance of raising awareness and engaging in early conversations.
Irelynn’s report includes the voices of teachers and students alike. Those voices point to how insecurity, controlling behaviors, and peer pressure can cause teens to accept damaging patterns. Social media often adds fuel by glamorizing relationships that normalize jealousy or control rather than respect and trust. Most often, a teen’s friends notice warning signs first, such as a peer withdrawing from other relationships or showing unusual stress. This highlights the need for greater awareness and open conversation.
Red flags: Signs of an unhealthy relationship
Warning Signs of a Toxic Relationship
- Isolation
- Pulling away from friends or family
- Spending all free time with one person because they insist on it
Control
- Demanding to know where you are or who you’re with
- Checking your phone or social media without permission
Put-downs
- Constant criticism or mocking, even disguised as “jokes”
- Making you feel like you’re never good enough
Unhealthy jealousy
- Getting angry if you talk to other people
- Acting as if you “owe” them loyalty at all times
Emotional swings
- Extreme highs and lows: one moment affectionate, the next cold or cruel
- Using guilt or threats to keep you in the relationship
If you notice these patterns in your own relationship or a friend’s, it’s a good idea to talk to a trusted adult, counselor, or mentor.
We leaned on well-established lists of warning signs of abuse from organizations like the CDC’s Dating Matters initiative, Futures Without Violence teen dating violence fact sheets, and Loveisrespect.org, a project of the National Domestic Violence Hotline. These sources emphasize behaviors like isolation, control, criticism, jealousy, and emotional swings, the same patterns reported in the student report.
Green flags: What you want to see in a relationship
Signs of a Healthy Relationship
- Respect
- Your opinions, feelings, and boundaries are taken seriously
- Differences don’t lead to insults or pressure
- Trust
- You don’t feel the need to “prove” your loyalty
- Both people can have friendships outside the relationship without conflict
- Support
- Celebrating each other’s successes instead of competing
- Offering comfort and encouragement when things are tough
- Communication
- Talking openly about problems instead of ignoring them
- Listening to each other without judgment
- Balance
- Time together and time apart feel natural
- Both people have space for school, friends, and personal interests
Healthy relationships aren’t perfect, but they help you grow, feel safe, and bring out the best in each other.
Research on healthy teen relationships from the American Psychological Association, CDC, and CHOP’s Violence Prevention Initiative highlights qualities such as respect, trust, communication, support, and balance. We paired each red flag with a corresponding green flag, showing teens not just what to avoid, but what to seek out: Isolation ↔ Respect for friendships, Control ↔ Trust and autonomy, Put-downs ↔ Encouragement and support, Jealousy ↔ Security in the relationship, and Emotional swings ↔ Steady, respectful communication. This “mirror” structure helps reinforce the message that healthy behaviors are the inverse of unhealthy ones.
To move forward, schools and families can work to provide education about what a healthy relationship looks like. A healthy relationship emphasizes respect, equality, and boundaries. Peer-led programs, role-play exercises in health classes, and honest discussions about what’s portrayed in media can help students better distinguish between normal conflicts and toxic behavior. Encouraging friendships outside of dating relationships also ensures teens have support systems to lean on when something feels wrong.
Finally, adults don’t have to wait until things become serious before stepping in. Checking in with teens regularly, listening without judgment, and validating their experiences can make them feel less isolated. While professional help remains essential in serious situations, everyday guidance, modeling of healthy relationships, and equipping teens with practical tools to navigate conflict can go a long way in helping them build stronger, safer connections.
